remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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