WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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