Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
