At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
