dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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