I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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