His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
