hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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