I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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