his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.