just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.