The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
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You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie