Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They have beer where we have blood.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam