Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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