you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?