What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse