I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
40s are totally the cure
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
