Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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