so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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