Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dignity is for republicans.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
