Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
