did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
