I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
