Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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