her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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