I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize