She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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