After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
