You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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