Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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