awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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