the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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