I got chris browned last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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