Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
