what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
