Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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