I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
