12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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