I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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