Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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