there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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