All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
