You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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