It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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