Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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