when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
