I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
