Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
