Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
