So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
