I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
