I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
