nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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