I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
