i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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