well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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