I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
