Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
okay pat passed out under dana's car
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He felt like a one man threesome
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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