I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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