i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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