And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
