FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
