God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
