Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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