Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
