oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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