Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
