I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
