Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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