mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
