how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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