Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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