I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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