apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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