Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
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I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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