living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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