so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
