so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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