when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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