When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
