Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
